One afternoon Unity of Tucson was showing the new movie The Secret, and Rob and I decided to check it out. That was the first time we met Dave, a tall, slender guy with blue eyes. He looked like a twenty-nine-year-old version of Bart Simpson with blond spiky hair and a larger than life grin.
Dave approached us after the movie and introduced himself. He asked if we wanted to go hiking and that was the beginning of what would be a very short, but intimate friendship.
Rob, Dave and I started spending much of our free time together. We spent hours waxing philosophical on hikes, camping trips or over tea at the local teahouse. We shared a love of seeing live music and spending time with nature. Dave was single and was searching for the woman he would spend his forever with. He talked about how much he appreciated witnessing the love, respect and friendship Rob and I share. We helped Dave see what was possible in relationships and gave him hope that he could find that kind of connection with someone too. He dated a few girls, but nothing serious, until he met Tammy.
About a year into our friendship, Dave met the beautiful, petite and sporty blonde, with an infectious laugh and passion for life. He instantly fell for her. Dave and Tammy started hanging out more and more and before long they were a couple. I was happy for Dave, and I liked Tammy, but I didn’t have a good feeling about it.
We hung out with them a few times here and there, but our conversations with Dave became less frequent. He was spending most of his time with his new girlfriend and Rob and I didn’t think anything of it. It’s totally normal for people to spend less time with friends at the beginning of a relationship. I was in acupuncture school and working part time, Rob was working full time, we were planning our wedding and in the midst of all of that my sister moved in with us after she filed for a divorce. There were lots of reasons we didn’t see much of each other, and Rob and I didn’t think anything of it.
There was one thing, though, that did get my attention. That spring when we would run into Dave at Unity, he would give me quick hug as usual, but the strangest thing would happen. When he would hug me I would instantly become extremely angry, irate even. I would hug him back and then try to say goodbye as quickly as possible. As soon as we were away from Dave, I would tell Rob about the anger I felt. Why was I so angry? Was I mad at him for something?
Anger is not an emotion I default to. I’m not a very angry person and I certainly am not an irate person. Why was I so furious around Dave? What was wrong with me?
I didn’t understand. I had no rational explanation for why I felt this way. I didn’t know what was going on, but after feeling livid consistently, hug after hug, week after week, I knew I wanted to avoid him. Luckily we were all so busy I didn’t really have to avoid him. We were going our own ways, doing our own things and our paths just naturally stopped crossing.
The last time I saw Dave was on my wedding day, May 25, 2008. I hadn’t seen him in several weeks. I gave him a hug and honestly, I don’t remember feeling anything. Nothing. No anger, no connection, nothing.
Three months later,Rob and I got a voicemail from one of our ministers. “Rob and Kyrsten, this is Larry and Mary Ellen. Please call the church as soon as you can.”
Dave had shot himself.
Clairsentience is a strange intuitive gift. When most people think of psychics they think of people who are clairvoyant, meaning psychics who have clear vision and see beyond normal perception. Clairsentience, or clear feeling, involves physically or emotionally sensing information beyond normal perception. Intuitive information comes in through an infinite number of bodily sensations like goosebumps, heat, cold, heaviness, lightness, an indescribable gut feeling, a sore throat, pain in the abdomen, or a pulling or tugging to move in a certain direction. Information is also felt as emotions like anger, anxiety, fear, calmness, peace or joy.
If you don’t know you’re clairsentient, as I hadn’t, the feelings seem a lot like your own regular, every day sensations. It can be difficult, at first, to differentiate your own feelings from information you are picking up and interpreting from the environment and people around you.
When you walk into a room full of people you may feel anxious and immediately assume YOU are anxious about something. You’re feeling it so it must be yours, right? Not necessarily. Clairsentients recognize anxiety is present in the energy field and read it through their bodies. If you don’t know how to discern your authentic feelings from the feelings you are reading in the room, you will internalize everything and not know how to respond to the actual intuitive guidance. It’s important for clairsentients to know how to differentiate so we can take responsibility for our own stuff and take any necessary practical actions steps to use the intuitive information appropriately.
The anger I felt every time my hands touched Dave had not been mine. I was not angry at him. He was angry. He was suffering. Behind his infectious smile, his loud laugh and his goofy antics, was a pain he could no longer bear.
I couldn’t see it in his eyes. He didn’t speak of it but I intuitively felt it in my hands. I felt it, but didn’t understand. I know now I am clairsentient.
If you ever feel uncomfortable around a close friend and you can’t figure out what’s going on, consider talking to them about it. Maybe you’re picking up on something they’re struggling with and maybe you will be able to help.
In loving memory of Dave Walker.
You taught me so much, my friend. Thank you. B’s and Z’s and M’s
To Your Divinity!
