Why I didn’t marry my Soulmate

I fell in love for the first time when I was 16. I don’t mean “puppy love.” In retrospect, I now know it was the kind of love you feel for someone you have loved before…for lifetimes, in fact. The kind of love you would feel for a “Soulmate.”

It sounds romantic, doesn’t it? The whole notion that there is one soul that your soul is “meant” to be with and that’s it? Culturally we love this idea. People spend their lives looking for that one soulmate and if they find that person, great! But if not, they keep looking and looking. Sometimes they feel so lost, sad, confused and heartbroken.

I found my soulmate at 16. Lucky me, right? We were together for just one year before it was time for him to go off to college. We decided to breakup because it was the sensible thing to do. We decided that “if it was meant to be” we would find our way back to each other. We then tortured ourselves by trying to move on and date other people while still being in love with each other. It was mostly painful and disastrous. We refused to have a long distance relationship, we refused to move closer to each other and we clung to the notion that if we were “supposed” to be together we would be “eventually.”

And “eventually” never came. So what if you already met your “soulmate” and you went your separate ways? Then what?

Here’s why eventually never came…

We never chose each other. We are all Divine Creators and that means we get to choose what we want to create. We are not “supposed” to do anything or be with anyone. Nothing is “meant” to be. We get to choose. And if we aren’t willing to choose, we manifest the results of our passivity.

Over the years we each had windows of opportunities to move towards each other….but we didn’t. We spent years admitting we wanted to be together, but refusing to actively do anything about it. We just kept saying, “if it’s meant to be.”

Here’s why this is awesome…

There was a time when souls created “soulmate contracts.” These agreements were made at Soul level and bound souls together (by choice) for lifetimes. Souls created these contracts with the intention of sticking it out together, doing the deep work even when the “going gets tough.” The intention was well meaning and for a long time soulmate contracts served to support Souls in their evolution. In 1998, however, all Soul level contracts dissolved and were no longer deemed necessary or appropriate for Soul level expansion.

Souls were no longer obligated, under contract, to stay together. Souls that had spent lifetimes together could now go their separate ways. If previous Soulmates wanted to stay together, they had to choose to stay together.

No more obligation. Eventually never came because we decided to go our separate ways.

And in an abundant Universe, how could you ever have just one opportunity to love and be loved? You couldn’t.

Six years after our official break up, we were still occasionally having the “I still love you and we’ll be together someday if it’s meant to be” conversation.  And then I realized something…we were never going to choose each other. That was the day I decided to create something even more magical. I thought about what I really wanted in a relationship. I thought about everything I loved about our connection and made a list of everything else I wanted. No more being passive and waiting for the Universe to give me what is “meant” to be mine. I would be intentional. I would partner with the Universe. I would take action to create the relationship I wanted.

It was Friday, May 3, 2002. I was packing my bag to spend the weekend at a friend’s house in Cambridge, MA.  Before I tossed my cell phone into my bag, I scrolled through my contacts to my high school sweetheart’s phone number. I whispered, “good-bye. Thank you,” and hit delete.

Well, the Universe must have got the memo that I was ready to choose an incredible (ambivalent free relationship!) because that very night my friend, Rob (who I had a secret crush on), became the love of my life. We chose each other. And we have chosen each other every day since.

And that is why you can stop waiting for your one and only “Soulmate” and start focusing on the abundance of amazing souls you can co-create a lifetime of love, joy and laughter with.

And when you choose to create that relationship, you’ll be grateful you’re together because you want to be…not because your souls are obligated to be. There’s just nothing romantic about that!!

To Your Divinity!

P.S. Are you at all preoccupied with a past love or having a hard time letting go of a relationship you know isn’t “good” for you? If so, you may be energetically holding on to a Soulmate contract that is no longer serving you? I can help. Click to learn more about scheduling a  reading and clearing session.